Perhaps it is because I'm planning/hosting a baby shower for my BFF next weekend, or perhaps it is because I haven't had a home/apartment that I've lived in for more than 2 years at a time since I moved out of my parents' house; whatever the reason, I've been feeling domestic recently and daydreaming of all the things I'd like to have in my own home whenever the day comes that I might have one of those.  Here are a few of my dreams:

A kitchen garden














An outdoor kitchen/living room





















A dining room table that seats at least 12























A front porch w/ a swing

















A library w/ those sliding ladders to reach the high shelves

























A gourmet kitchen

















A home theater
























An amazing walk-in closet


















A beautiful bathroom



















A formal garden 























A cheery office


















A view




















All that's not asking too much, right? :)

I had a great time in Fresno this weekend.  It was so wonderful to see friends, meet friends' children, catch up with former student workers, visit FPU campus, spend a day at the central coast, and generally relax.  I'm so happy I had a few days in my busy September to make it to my former home. 

However, one thing that was a bit difficult was the number of people that asked me what I plan to do upon graduating in May.  Most of them wanted to know if I thought I'd move back to California.  I have no answer to this question, thus the difficulty.  When I'm in Fresno I feel peaceful, happy, and whole.  The problem is that there are no jobs in my field there.  The other problem is that all of my friends there are married with kids.  Now, the being married and having kids isn't the problem per se, but it is quite difficult to be somewhere that your only support system is people at a different life stage.  But, that's not very different than my situation currently in DC, so I guess it shouldn't hinder my decision to move if a job opportunity were to present itself.  My best answer to all the inquiring minds was that I'm keeping my options open. 

Having no general direction of where my life is headed after May gives me the sense of being stuck in the middle between here and California, sort of like a metaphor of my life wandering around in the no man's land of purposelessness and indecision.  My time back in DC has been hallmarked by that sensation.  Don't get me wrong, I have loved every minute of going to school full-time, but the rest of my life's circumstances have been so drastically different than what I envisioned for moving back east that I've had a general sense of lost-ness the entire time I've been back.  That feeling isn't foreign to me though.  I think it's been there for most of my life and the times that I've felt in the right place have been the exception rather than the rule.  Hopefully in the next nine months that will get better and I'll figure things out, but for now I'll try to be content wandering around blindly for the moment.